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Human nature dictates that we speak our minds. Progress is usually the result of someone raising an opinion. Everyone has needs and getting them in the context of your relationship is important. All couples argue, but it’s the way you argue that’s critical for the longevity of your relationship. Here are some tips to help you fight fair.

1- Don’t Run From Fights

When you don’t address uncomfortable topics they can go from small problems to big dramas that could have been avoided. 

2- Take Responsibility

Don’t be stubborn and take no responsibility. Don’t be a people-pleaser and take responsibility for everything. Be honest with yourself and own what is yours.

3- Respect Your Partner’s Process

Allow your partner to get the emotions out of their system in their own time. Wait until they are ready for a rational conversation.

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4- Make Requests, Not Complaints

Rather than asking for your needs to be met, you may jump to accusations. Be direct and respectful instead of putting your partner down.

5- Don’t Downplay the Issue

An issue is an issue if one of you feels that it is. You don’t have to agree, but you do need to listen. Sometimes all it takes is validation and acknowledgement.

6- Stop Going Around In Circles

You repeat things because you don’t feel heard. Try a different way of stating what you need, but don’t attack. Stop the cycle before it spins out of control.

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7- Learn the Right Way to Apologize

Some people want big gestures and some people are satisfied with a simple, “I’m sorry.” Tailor your apology to what is meaningful to your partner.

8- Don’t Forget That You’re a Team

No matter how angry you both are, life will continue after the fight. Don’t do lasting damage. Work to protect your future together.

Fighting is inevitable. Learning how to argue and learning how to stop will prevent disagreements from damaging your relationship.

If you are interested in online couples therapy or have any further questions, call (510) 497-4174 today to schedule your free online consultation.


This post was written by Lani Gouws on behalf of The Bridge Therapy Center. If you have any questions or require more information, please contact Lani here: